Naive or Not Scared?

I have not written anything in a while. Partly because I’m been busy, partly because I’ve been lazy, mostly I feel like I don’t have anything worthwhile to share. I currently have no muse for inspiration, which is fine. There are drawbacks to overstimulation, after all.

Last night’s terror attacks in Nice, France, threw me for a loop. As I sat around for book club*** we started to talk about whether or not these terror attacks were scaring us. One of us thought about it a lot. One of us (who recently took a job in Philadelphia) said that she thinks about it more often now that she’s in a big building, a big city, and taking the train every day.

Me? Not really.

I’ve never been in a crowd and wondered if there could be an attack. It has never crossed my mind that the person waiting in line behind me in the checkout line has a bomb strapped to their chest. I’ve only briefly thought about safety only after the horrific San Bernardino attacks- one of my greatest friends lives close to the area, and the next few days, being in our all glass, ground level conference room at work rattled me.

Am I naïve? Am I ignorant, too focused on other things that may or may not be important (working on my nonprofit, learning everything I can about a demanding new role at work, losing myself in Buzzfeed articles before I go to bed, wondering if I’m going to buy a new baseball hat when I go to the PGA at the end of this month)?

I don’t know the answer to this question. I’m putting myself out there and admitting this. I know it’s important to be aware of your surroundings. My heart hurts and my eyes well up when I hear about attacks (Orlando, as I think of my gay friends, San Bernardino for reasons mentioned above, France because of my colleagues there).

I’m doing nothing about it, though, besides reading the news and wondering when it’s going to end. And then, I go about my day, not worrying about anything. Selfish? Probably. I don’t believe I’m selfish to humankind in general, but on this topic I don’t think much further than a few days or worry, or anticipate when something happens.
Keeping calm and carry on?

***book club means the three of us read the same book two months prior, send a text saying “OMG, did you finish yet? its soooo good!!” and then we just get together and have wine and eat and laugh.

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