My therapist joked to me—Wait. Maybe it wasn’t a joke. But he was laughing and I was laughing and this was before we got to serious matters so I’ll classify it as a joke—that if he had his old chart of life disruptions, I’d be hitting some pretty major ones right now. This was as we were talking about anxiety, and how for me, anxiety leads to depression, and how I need to make self care a priority, and self care doesn’t mean running around doing things for other people in order to make myself feel good. Self care means me. Me. Nothing else.
I’m not so great at me. Most people aren’t. Self care is a big theme in a lot of places, and not just therapy. Companies preach a work-life balance and boast about how much personal time they offer employees. Pick up any magazine geared toward just about any demographic and you’ll find relaxation techniques or ways to be mindful. There are even reminders to slow down and smell the flowers printed on the inside of our chocolate foil wrappers.
However, there are passive aggressive mixed messages about self care out there, and they’re as subtle and cruel as a not-so-random text from an ex boyfriend.
The pressures to be “well rounded” don’t stop when you graduate. Those same companies that give you time off also want you to log your volunteer hours, too. Soaking in your bathtub during your off hours doesn’t count in the personal development category. There is awareness to raise, projects and promotions to work on, people who really need things I can do for them, diapers to change, and paychecks to bring home. All of these people would scratch their heads if I told them I needed a sabbatical (except the diaper wearer, who honestly would be quite happy if I stopped coming after her with clean Huggies).
I get that the vessel will fall apart and be useless if it’s not taken care of properly. I get that I will be no good to everyone (including the diaper wearer) if there is a really big crack. But some days (or weeks, or months), the glue that holds those hairline fractures in place becomes weak, and as more pressure mounts, little pieces start to crumble and the vessel suddenly seems to feel not so strong and sturdy, and the only thing the vessel is mindful of are her weak points.
<3