I’ve written before about patience. It’s a topic that always deserves a revisit, because a) we always need it and b) we never seem to have enough of it.
About a month ago, mid stride, I noticed a sudden tightness in my left foot. I chalked it up to not stretching enough, or too many ankle rolls on the tennis court. I’d rest when it hurt and plow on when it didn’t. The pain never fully went away, so I made an appointment with a great podiatrist and on I went with life.
Last night, I got the news that I had a peroneus longus injury- an injury that calls for a cast for three weeks, and a walking boot for four. I can’t get it wet, so no pool or ocean (thank goodness it’s not summer yet). No tennis, no gym, no parkour. I don’t parkour, ever, but if I woke up this morning and decided to launch myself off of a wall, I couldn’t.
Sigh.
My thoughts immediately went to the things I couldn’t do. No swimming lessons with Elise, no pulling her around in her wagon. I couldn’t walk my dog, even though I don’t do that enough anyway, and he’s so old he can barely make it around the block anymore. I’ve got a life of one shoe for the next month, and limited on pants that fit over a boot (come on, capri season!). Glad that my car isn’t a manual anymore- I’d be out of luck for driving.
What about if I think of the things I can do, though? I can be present with my daughter, instead of turning my back to throw in a load of laundry or empty the dishwasher. I can partake in more Netflix bingewatching. I can read or write. Maybe I can still go to the gym- I can sit and work on upper body and core weight training, doing exercises that don’t involve weight on my leg.
I can have some patience with myself, with my body, and get my foot healthy again. I can take this time to do activities I push off, because I feel like I’m wasting time and energy if I’m stagnant, both in body and mind. Maybe I do need to slow down.
As I’m writing this, a friend sends me a link to a post that may be worth sharing on the Pregnancy After Loss Support Facebook page. I open it and scan it. It’s not about loss or grief specifically, but about checking in with yourself, asking why you’re feeling the way you’re feeling, and some things to do about it. They’re all somewhat obvious, but if there is one thing I know for sure it is that when I’m in the moment, it’s hard to objectively assess what I need for self-care.
Here is the link, but I am sharing this part with you. “You’ve made it this far, and you will make it through. You are stronger than you think.”
Yes, I will make it through sitting still, taking some deep breaths, being present, and creating patience for my situation, within myself.