In 1977, my parents had an unorthodox (no pun intended) wedding.
Their ceremony was held at The Cathedral Church of St. John. The Cathedral, founded in 1855, was the head of Episcopal churches in Delaware. My mom is a third generation parishioner.
My father was a member of Congregation Beth Emeth, a Jewish synagogue founded in 1905. He was bar mitzvah’d there, and grew up going to services with his family.
Neither one of my parents wanted to convert, and it was important to my mom to be married at the Cathedral. They had many meetings with the Dean there, rewriting parts of a traditional Episcopal ceremony to include Jewish traditions. For example, the churchbells rang 18 times, which means “l’chaim” (to life).
My parents decided to raise their children as Episcopalians. My brother and I were both baptized and later confirmed.
I was not exposed to a lot of Judaism growing up, as my friends were Christian, and my father’s family was no longer local. In college, most of the friends I made were Jewish. I was fortunate to have been invited to their family gatherings, and I spent those years learning and celebrating Jewish holidays and customs with them.
I gave a lot of thought to religion during this time. I struggled to understand how my parents believed in two different things. In my mind, one of them had to be right and the other wrong. I wanted religion to be black and white.
I came to realize that beliefs are like love. Sometimes we are passionate, sometimes we just unconsciously accept what’s given. It doesn’t matter how each individual views love – the perspective is uniquely theirs, without the need for justification. Giving and receiving love looks different to everyone, and expressions of faith are no different.
Now I have children of my own, and in the simplest form I keep these traditions alive in my own way. We have an extended family dinner for Rosh Hashanah to celebrate the Jewish New Year, eating apples and honey for a sweet year ahead. We make hamantaschen for Purim, light the Menorah during Hanukkah, and have a seder for Passover.
My children were baptized in an Episcopal church, attended an Episcopal preschool, and look forward to pancakes on Shrove Tuesday, the Nativity at Christmas, and all the symbolism (and chocolate) at Easter.
My daughter has started to question the juxtaposition of what we are doing, just like I did. I remind her that we are really celebrating love in different ways, and faith is proof of that. I hope she is always satisfied with this answer, since love is really all you need.
This essay was originally written for Our Connections, my company’s Diversity & Belonging program, and appeared to employees in October 2023.