Baptism is defined by Wikipedia (my favorite research source ever, I don’t care if it can be edited) as admission into the Christian Church. Today was a particularly momentous day for us, as Baby E was christened. We had beautiful weather, we were surrounded by friends and family and great food, and I was having a particularly good hair day. Win win!
I can’t remember if it was before or after I delivered Hank that the idea of a baptism was presented to me. I didn’t realize that this was something that could be done on a baby born dead. The pastor on call that evening at the hospital was new, young, and a recent father himself, and the arduous effort for him to baptize Hank was heartbreakingly obvious. I chose to not be present for the baptism, but my husband was, and it was short and sad and official. Even though Hank never took a breath, he was accepted and adopted by God. If I had to let him go, I suppose heaven would be the next best place, and the fact that we did something “normal” like a baptism seemed to validate his existence.
I dressed E this morning in the christening gown worn by three generations of my family, so delicate and old that my mother was scared to wash and press it. I slipped on a pair of new monogrammed bloomers over her tiny diaper. I clasped the delicate pearl bracelet, given to her the day before by her soon-to-be Godmother, around her wrist. And, at the last moment, I grabbed the light blue piece of fabric emblazoned with a cross and carefully placed it in my bag.
I knew that grabbing this fabric would be a game time decision, and it was something my husband and I had talked about a few times. I’m not sure exactly how this tiny blanket was used in Hank’s baptism, but I know it was present. I have so few things that are his, so few things that touched him or were next to him, and I’ll never have an opportunity for more, so I was hesitant to mix something of his in with anything else.
So, I decided that when I’d tell Baby E about her baptism, and tell the anecdotal stories of the day (like my good hair day), I will tell her that she shared his blue overlay. I will tell her that they’re both baptized. And I will tell her that they’re also both immersed in love, and there will always be opportunities to share joy.
Copyright 2014 Anne Mathay