What is the best way to be a good parent?
Funny for me to actually have an opinion on this question, considering I have no children. Basing my potential parenting skills on how well I’m doing with my dogs isn’t a good idea (they look so cute on the couch and in my bed and barking incessantly for food at random times in the night!). However, I’ll do my best. Maybe this entire thought process will become very funny and ha ha, she was soooo naive before she had kids! but in the meantime, here what is what I think.
How many people encourage their children to read, yet don’t read themselves? How many shuttle kids from soccer to dance to art to music lessons, yet when you have free time at the end of the night you’re sitting on the couch watching TV? How many parents stress values like sharing, and treating people kindly, and giving to others? Are these the same people that have never volunteered their own time (and not their company mandated four hours a year) to help those less fortunate? How many parents stress the importance of religion and faith- even going as far as to put their children in parochial schools- but can’t seem to find the time to make spirituality important to themselves?
Do as I say, not as I do.
I understand that parents are more complex than children. Children don’t have nearly the amount of demands that adults have. No bills, no mortgages, no figuring out when to grocery shop and call the plumber and are we contributing enough to our retirement accounts. I just find it ironic that people are shoving all sorts of things towards their children to make them into “good” people but would never think to do these things themselves. Are we also sending a message that it’s ok to stop personally growing when you’ve reached a certain age?
If and when I have kids, I’d like them to look at me when they write their own blogs as adults and see me as someone who was there for them, who shared great experiences and opportunities with them, and trusted them to make their own decisions when the time was right.
My parents were (and are) great parents. I look at my dad, who worked a full time job and several part time jobs when I was a baby so my mom could stay home with me as a child. I see my dad who coached our teams and taught me Roman Numerals and about classic rock and being a good person. I reflect on my mom, who, after spending the day with both a morning and an afternoon session of kindergartners, always came home and wanted to hear all about what we did at school. If we wanted to do an activity, we did it- like ice skating. If we loved it, we got to do more- like tennis. If we hated it, we didn’t have to suck it up and stick it out (Well, sort of. But we didn’t have to go back the next year. I’m talking to you, Girl Scout Camp!). My mom never yelled, never lost her patience. My parents weren’t at every single game and they didn’t sit through every dress rehearsal- but they were there an awful lot. There were also plenty of times they could have made all of my problems at the moment go away, but they didn’t. They let me figure them out for myself, which mad made me strong and (mostly) self-reliant.
Copyright 2014 Anne Mathay