Time

I haven’t written in a while, and it’s not due to lack of inspiration but due to lack of time.  I never understood why people says that time is the greatest luxury.  Just make more, I’d think to myself.  Stop doing stuff you don’t want to to do, and do more of stuff you DO want to do.

Ha.

So, here it is, a Saturday morning at 11am.  I’ve been up for five hours.  I’ve made breakfast and cleaned up the kitchen.  I’ve changed three diapers.  I’ve dusted and Windexed the house, and cleaned both bathrooms.  I’ve made a menu for the week and am ready to go to the store.  I’ve refilled the hand soaps, done two loads of laundry, reorganized my jewelry box, one of E’s dresser drawers, and the hall closet.  I’ve nursed E a few times, let the dogs in and out a few times, and have made coffee and brushed my teeth.

Time, I’m realizing, can’t be created.  It’s got to be capitalized upon.  With a few exceptions, none of the above was anything I really wanted to do, but I did it.  One of the many things I’m learning, this time management thing.  I still make time for things that are important, but I’m still learning how to juggle it all.  I’ve been back to work for a month, and the challenges of everyday life seem to be magnified when you’re out of the house for ten or eleven hours each day.  But, I do it.  Capitalize upon those challenges, I tell myself.

I’ve had the opportunity to write a monthy piece for an online blog, Pregnancy After Loss Support, for the first year of E’s life.  I’m writing about parenting after a loss, and balancing the joy I have for my daughter and the sadness I have for my son.  Time is something I didn’t have with him, but I’m capitalizing on the challenges of a loss and turning them into something positive.  Time is scarcer these days for sure, and I’ve got a lot on my plate and a lot of opportunities to consider that I never dreamed of a year ago.  As I continue to navigate my life with the realization that time is finite (and boy does it fly by these days), I’m savoring each moment, even if it’s the moment of dusting an end table.  This is my current state, and I’m trying to love every moment of it.