Timing is everything, right?
How many times have you gone past an accident on the road and thought that if only you had not stopped for coffee, that could be you? Or, how many times have you realized that if you didn’t smile and say hello to the stranger next to you on the school bus, you wouldn’t have a lifelong friend?
I’ve always known how critical timing is when it comes to a pregnancy. Moments could matter between life or death. I’m keenly aware of this now, again. I’ve vascilated throughout my whole pregnancy so far with trying to pretend it’s not happening so I don’t get attached to the person growing inside of me to laying awake for hours at night, wondering who she will look like, and will she have a window’s peak like me, or blond hair like her dad.
Now is a critical time in my pregnancy; too early to deliver now but on the cusp of getting to a point where she could come if necessary. Whenever someone asks me about my due date, I always hesitate. Do you want my true due date (5/11, ironically Mother’s Day)? Or my day I’m scheduled for a c-section (5/6)? Do you want the day that will be equivalent to the time in my pregnancy when I delivered Hank (3/20), and I’m sure will cause me to be a spastic mess? Do you want the day I’m hoping to make it to (3/16)? Or perhaps the day when she can be delivered if need be (2/2)? Take your pick.
I asked a friend who delivered at 26 weeks for some advice. She told me how much of a difference there was between a baby born at 26 weeks and a baby born at 28. I’ve read countless pregnancy loss stories where twins were delivered days and sometimes weeks apart, and how just a few days made a difference in development and weight. Timing surely is everything. Even at the end of all of my calculations, hopes, and predictions I realize there are no guarantees. I’m not promised a baby at any time. Maybe I’ll finally be able to relax and enjoy my pregnancy when it’s ended the way it’s supposed to.
So, I’m waiting. I’m also taking my blood pressure 4-5 times a day, giving blood, collecting my urine in a jug for 24 hours, having EKG’s and ultrasounds. I’m taking this one day at a time, realizing each day is one more day closer to hopefully my girl.
Copyright 2014 Anne Mathay